I tried meditating. It didn’t work.
I have been quite stressed lately and I thought I could try to do a few tactics TV shows have been recommending as solution. This included meditation tactics like Yoga, Feng shui and whatever other silly name exists….duf peng!
First, my only solutions to fighting stress has been either playing a FIFA game where I would use a lot of profanity to express my self especially when am winning, the other option is sleeping it off & the last one is taking myself out for a good eat out >Go ahead. Insert Forever Alone meme here<. Neither of the solutions are long term. The only solution to fighting stress is facing the situation head on but all we need first is a temporary relief to keep the mind clear and make it easy to make decisions.
I don’t drink alcohol because I hate the taste & it also doesn’t add any value in my life. No! Am for real. Id rather have a 1kg cake & 2 litters juice but again thats wasteful for one person when people are dying of hunger in the northern part of my country (I digress). Fighting can get me imprisoned and for fear of getting an STD or AIDS, random sex isn’t an option so all am left with is sleeping…. until today when I decided to try something new. Meditation.
5 minutes opening youtube and watching a bunch of people talk of how they meditate I thought to myself that now am ready to do it. The key to meditation is focusing on one thing and sticking with it till you feel like your in a trance and your mind is as clear as a cloudless sky. Sounds easy enough till you try it.
Am the kind of person who has a million thoughts per minute which might move from computers to Interstellar and back to how to kill a cockroach real slow by skinning the little sucker. This makes it very difficult for me to just seat idling and expect to focus on one thing but from what a Chinese woman in youtube said, its ‘pochible’.
I cleared the room and sat quietly trying to get something to focus with and there it was. A calender written April 2015. The HIV AND AIDS TRIBUNAL. I sat quietly staring at the date today 11th. My eyes become watery but I wasn’t to move an inch. My head became drowsy and a fly flew past me but I resisted the urge of any violence. The other numbers in the calender become more and more blurry & I felt my mind becoming blank slowly. I felt relaxed and soothed with the massage type of music I had put to create the mood. But then thats how far I think I went. I remembered I had a meeting with someone in the next few hours and started to think of what ill wear. I remembered a gazette notice by Safaricom that Safaricoms Mpesa will be down for maintenance and therefore needed to send cash to some one early. I blinked, & my right eye started twitching uncontrollably. That has never happened before. EVER. The other dates become clear & I started to think to myself what on earth am I doing seated looking at a calender. I felt awkward with myself and thought maybe I should close my eyes & try to finish the meditation.
I gave it another try this time with my eyes shut. I went back to feeling calm as I stared in the gaze of darkness. My muscles loosened up & my blood pressure went down. Then I thought to myself, when is the next comet woozing close to earth? I need to see that. Then another thought, does KFC buy their chicken locally or do they import them? Then I thought of the Garissa shooting. I felt sad and deeply angered. To cheer myself up I thought of the Grumpy cat having a puppy withe the dog in the Dodgecoin logo. My ass become itchy with siting on the floor for so long. My legs begun to hurt. I wiggled a bit, took a deep breath & I become sleepy & thought to myself how bad I am at meditating.
I just woke up 1 hour latter to write this.