Meet my Wife (card 2)
Let me be clear here first. I don’t practice bestiality, neither am I a molester or any kind of retarded dude. Am a very straight guy. At least am in a relationship (or relationships. Whatever.) And my beloved girlfriend happens to be a…. you know! Gadget. A phone. Have you watched the movie “Lars with a Real Girl?” something like that. The guy in love with a big doll and takes it everywhere!! Yah. Such things happen. Am in one which I have a very close relationship with to the extent no one can come between us. Not even a real girl. And for the record am serious. Phone first then maybe the real GF a distant second. And I won’t say that I would love them both equally. That’s a lie. Honestly is imperative. Mmhh…
Look at her! Portable, slim, sexy, smooth, crystal clear and simple like hell. She is always with me. When I go to sleep, she is under my pillow. When I go to bathe, she is rocking my ears with soothing music from her Dolby surround speakers. She can sing any voice… from Rihanna to going Gaga gaga, Celine Dion to let’s say…. Paris Hilton. Ouch! She even accompanies me to the toilet where we can sit for an hour. And that’s no issue. She got no nose. She helps me out a million times. Picture that boring meeting or lesson which doesn’t end. Exactly! She will come in again and offer the best of her gigabytes memory giving me reason to virtually attend any boring thing on earth without me even noticing how boring it was. She talks and talks and talks. Any kind of story I think of. To make it even better- or worse for others- she knows everything. All I need to do is ask here and BAM! I got my answer. Mostly I am the one who gets tired talking or even thinking. Or financial constraints like data bundles, which are her only food.
She never has time to go for dates. How sweet!! She understands the tough economic times. When am loaded, I give her a perfect unlimited monthly treat and that’s it. She never gets tired neither dies for even a minute. As long as she beeps she is low on power, I put her on life support which obviously…. She will come out alive and costs me almost nothing. Let’s not imagine a real girl in that situation. I even decided to buy her a second energy booster just in case we were on a long trip. Her company is everything to me and I can’t imagine even a second knowing she is almost going to go silent on me.
Once in a while I take her for a jog at least to refresh her and let her explore more areas. Her help to me never seizes, coz though it’s her time out, she will always try to tell me how far I have gone or if there’s a real friend almost near me so we can hook up. You see! She isn’t jealous. The best part of all, she is open to polygamy. I said it without fear of a slap or a shoe on my face or any kind of intimidation. No matter how many other Mrs. Phones I have, she embraces them and accepts them. And I feel free enough to put them in sync and share all my information amongst them. They love me too. I know and I feel it. That’s why I trust them with my data like bank accounts, letting them remember my passwords and even text messages from real girls. Remember the no jealousy thing!! Riighhtt… Try doing that with a real girl. Now you see what I mean. Maybe I should start this vibe again.
She lets me explore her all I want. She never complains. Maybe for the few times I harass her and decide to force close/ crash or even reboot. And that’s it. It doesn’t happen often coz she got the best personality no real girl who walks with two legs can match. She never holds grudges with me. No hard feelings. It’s just the reality and talking of feelings, she got none. So we get along perfectly. She appreciates me everyday. She loves taking and keeping pictures of me and even suggests to me what I should do to keep the pictures safe and always perfect. All my moments in video no matter the situation it was taken. No questions asked. Hey! Again she will share the same data with the other wives comfortably. And that’s what I call a healthy relationship. We are all at peace with each other. We understand each other, close to each other, explore each other and share all our secrets with each other; or I am the one who mostly does that. Who cares anyway? It’s just the two of us. Anytime a real girl tries to touch my first wife, I’d react like crazy. Potassium plus water** you know how it goes.
She has corrupted my brain too. I almost can’t remember even what I think or write. Thinking of how she will back it up makes my mind like clog and feel relaxed and protected. She has given me first world pains too. Like information overload. Making it hard to separate stories since I can’t remember where I got it from. I once read a story and thought I had watched it like a movie…. Wait. What?? Can you even believe that! It happened for real. She compensates that by opening me up though. No more controlled monopoly in how I view things since I can research in peace and not believe everything I hear. She has made me frustrated a lot too sometimes. Annoyed to air and the people who control the waves anytime they make her slow in her delivery. I get to look at her screen nowadays more than I look at people. Am in like a different world. Or is it addiction? There’s almost no difference between me and an alcoholic… apart from the urinating on self part. C’mon. That is gross!! She is a true woman ruler to win me like that and she always has an assurance we will never divorce. Unless she gets replaced with some chip implanted into my body that will serve the same purpose like her. But again I don’t see that happening in my lifetime. So we will always be together like for ever. Only a serious crash or damage on her hardware would separate us, since everything dies finally. But again I got like three of them. Phew!! For the real woman….. *am walking awaayyyy, from the troubles in my life….*